On clinging

“A pain stabbed my heart, as it did every time I saw a girl I loved who was going the opposite direction in this too big world.” - Jack Kerouac, On the Road

The last few weeks my family has been grappling with some unexpected news - the type of news that blows a hole in the forecasted trajectory for our lives and for a period of time, leaves us adrift. This has happened before, and - I know - will happen again. This is the brutal nature of life; this much is promised.

I’m fairly certain the most significant source of pain is from the clinging onto the shreds of that trajectory, trying desperately to gather the pieces in our hands. But, they are like ash carried on the wind - uncatchable. I’m not saying that the attempt is wrong; I’m not saying that the wide range of emotions we are experiencing are invalid. I am saying that returning to the moments before the information was delivered - clinging to the life of the past - will never not be painful.

I’ve been trying to relax my hands - release this tension - because I know that I am causing myself the most pain. For me - this looks like pushing my body hard, listening to lots of music, and spending time being present with my family.

Sometimes clinging can look like too much attention - but the more I think about it, being truly present and giving full attention to what is in front of you is the deepest form of letting go. Nothing exists but what is in the moment and there is a holiness to focusing on the task at hand or the person in front of you.

As we head into a holiday weekend in the US, is there an area of your life you should try relaxing your grip? Is there a way you can be more present to witness what will continue to unfold rather than cling to the past or ruminate on the future?

Be well, beautiful people.