On belief

“I am not a smart man, particularly, but one day, at long last, I stumbled from the dark woods of my own, and my family's, and my country's past, holding in my hands these truths: that love grows from the rich loam of forgiveness; that mongrels make good dogs; that the evidence of God exists in the roundness of things.” - Wally Lamb, I Know This Much Is True

Hello, fellow travelers; happy Friday. Today I am practicing forgiveness to myself for missing last week’s post. Last week all of my energy was spent executing the normal activities of life and wandering the paths of my mind’s dark woods, allowing myself to fully emotionally process the health journey my mother has begun.

I needed to give myself permission to be okay with not being okay before shaking myself off and returning back to the light.

Sometimes I wonder if the persistence of situational depression stems from the performance of “being okay” that we feel we need to do for our communities. When I reflect on my life, I see several places where I got stuck in the mire - but often that was from me insisting that I wasn’t flailing knee deep in that Jurassic era tar of anxiety and doubt.

In those moments, I lost my belief that I was allowed to fully feel my uncertainty and pain and to trust that life persists, even when all feels lost.

As Lamb says - “God exists in the roundness of things.” I am not a religious person but to this I say “Amen.” This, I believe. Life is a circle; it persists, even when we can’t see the path forward.

This week has found me back focusing on what I can control: showing up for the people I love and putting one foot in front of the other, both figuratively and literally, as I begin logging miles to prepare for my #loopsforlove endeavor next spring.

As we welcome summer, my wish for you is to note the moments that inspire awe in you, to pause and say Amen.

Be well, beautiful people.