On rejection

“Sometimes I think about the sly, flickering line that separates being spared from being rejected. Sometimes I think of the ancient gods who demanded that their sacrifices be fearless and without blemish, and I wonder whether, whoever or whatever took Peter and Jamie away, it decided I wasn't good enough.”

-Tana French, In the Woods

Happy Friday, beautiful people. Lately I’ve been finding myself pondering on effort, belonging, acceptance and rejection. There are countless quotes out there about how rejection is direction — “when a door closes, a window opens” — ultimately: what’s meant for you will not pass you by.

As social creatures, rejection strums a very deep chord and sounds an internal alarm. Evolutionarily, to be cast from the group was dangerous. To not be chosen may have meant death over life.

In French’s book, the exact opposite happens: being chosen meant death over life. What happened to the narrator’s two friends, who disappeared one summer evening when they were children, is never revealed in the book — instead we watch as he wrestles with this lack of closure and the unanswerable question “why them, not me?” This ironic unease serves as a backdrop for the central mystery of the book, which — fear not, mystery fans — is solved.

I use this example to point out - as humans, any rejection is destabilizing and can cause pain. And yet, we because we have limited attention and energy, we must make choices every day which will inevitably lead to varying levels rejection.

Our work is two-fold: to be truthful yet kind when delivering a rejection and to be attentive and open minded when receiving one. Both postures will require effort.

As we close out July, is there a rejection you having been avoiding delivering because it would be hard?

Be well, beautiful people.